It can be hard to start therapy for many reasons. One worry often shared by new clients is a concern about how long therapy is going to take. This is a question that is impossible for your therapist to answer. There are two reasons for this. The first is that each client is unique, having his or her own particular pace. The second is in the meaning of “healed.” When one has healed enough to leave therapy has different meanings to different people.

How long therapy takes depends on what you want from it. Sometimes people just want a solution-focused approach to a specific behavioral problem. Nothing complex, nothing very deep. Other people are seeking deep internal change, healing old wounds to the point that they see and live life differently. Most people start therapy looking for something between the two. Working on specific behavior may have a faster outcome then doing deep internal work.

Ultimately though, we are complex beings. You may do some solution-focused work and end up convincing the part of you that bites your nails (for instance) to stop. But the reason you bite your nails so much is likely related to a vulnerable aspect of yourself, with other defensive parts of you guarding that vulnerability closely. It is likely that if you just stop biting your nails without taking care of the hurt within that you will start adopting other behavioral outlets to cover the pain of those vulnerable feelings. Ever notice how your friends exchange one “bad habit” for another? And then usually have the old bad habit come back too? A classic example is over eating when trying to quit smoking.

We are so complex, in fact, that you could spend your whole life in therapy and continue to grow from that experience. That might be one solution. A bit expensive though. It is my experience, however, that each person has the ability to become his or her own therapist.

Using the “Internal Family Systems” model, I guide you through your own internal world. Together, we learn how you have structured yourself to cope with the world. Those stressful internal conflicts; bad habits; over-reactions that you can’t control; fearful, angry and sad feelings all make sense to you in a new and different way. Old wounds are unburdened and healed. You learn that you truly are the good, strong wonderful person you have been hoping you are. Other people’s previously mystifying behavior now makes sense. And, you know yourself well enough to heal yourself from any new traumas that life throws at you. You have become your own therapist.


Diane Jhueck ©2004